I learned something today: Thursday’s ain’t shit when it’s the end of February, cold and without a bunch of strangers in a 15 foot radius.
I got caught trying to be a good host to a couple homies of mine, but it was almost doomed from the start. I mean other than the fact that we can all somewhat entertain each other for real, tonight was ass.
I walked into a bar that had less than 30 people tonight. Walmart was probably getting more traffic than Stalking Horse.
I went to take a piss at the first bar we were at and right when I entered the bathroom, an evil green/black/yellow cloud from Hell’s sewers pierced my eyes with icepicks, then ran up my nose and violated. Some dude took a shit and clogged the toilet. I had to stand about 10 feet away and “Go-Go-Gadget” urinate so the doo-doo water didn’t jump up on my skin and give me herpes.
I’m kind of blown I spent mad money tonight too, I don’t know what I was thinking. Now I have to find something to sell on Craigslist or challenge someone to a contest of who can eat the most candy corn.
Shit will be better when it’s warm though. When it’s boring, but warm outside you can do dumb shit like planking or, I don’t know, have a water balloon fight.
I’m about to fuck with this The Walking Dead Season 3. The sheriff’s wife is the biggest hoe on TV right now flat out.
Those are my eyes in real life.